OMAAS

The BTA Office of Maritime Appreciation and Angled Surfaces (OMAAS)

A Division of the Big Truck Association’s Department of Cross-Modal Reverence™

Nestled discreetly yet with undeniable nautical pride on the mezzanine level of the BTA's flagship headquarters—located somewhere between the third floor brake diagnostics atrium and the forbidden mirror-polish vault—the Office of Maritime Appreciation and Angled Surfaces (OMAAAS) serves as a cornerstone of the Association’s lesser-known but fervently respected philosophical wing.

While the BTA is widely recognized for its unyielding dedication to high-horsepower highway locomotion, not all brilliance rolls on rubber. Some, it turns out, floats. And some—dare we say it—tilts.

Purpose and Origin

The founding of OMAAAS was not so much an administrative decision as it was a tidal inevitability. Born out of a heated 3:00 a.m. debate during the BTA’s Annual Symposium on Load Distribution and Aerodynamic Thought, a small group of visionary truck philosophers posed the immortal question:

“If sails can be angled for power… what else have we ignored in our rectangular tyranny?”

From this spark came a firestorm of interdisciplinary reverence. Within weeks, BTA Blueprints Division had submitted the first speculative concept for a “maritime-inspired sleeper cab,” and soon, the OMAAAS charter was ratified in a ceremony involving ceremonial truck horns, driftwood podiums, and an indoor fog machine set to “harbor mood.”

Core Functions

The Office of Maritime Appreciation and Angled Surfaces proudly upholds a multi-pronged mission:

Celebrate Nautical Ingenuity

OMAAAS hosts weekly symposiums exploring the intersection between truck design and waterborne innovation. Lecture titles have included:

"Buoyancy and the Box Trailer: A Thought Experiment",

"Hull Shapes for Hill Grades", and

"The Rudder as Steering Wheel’s Wet Cousin."

Oversee the semi-Annual Angled Surface Recognition Week™

A celebratory event where angled features across all BTA-certified vehicles are cataloged, measured, admired, and serenaded with sea shanties adapted for CB radio.

Maintain the BTA Lateen Archive

An extensive, meticulously curated collection of photographs, diagrams, and woodcut illustrations of the lateen sail. Staff refer to it lovingly as “The Triangular Wing of Progress.”

Issue the Maritime Mood Advisory

A daily report shared with select drivers to indicate whether the road “feels vaguely oceanic.” If so, drivers are encouraged to wear a captain’s hat and speak in measured, wave-pondering metaphors.

Facilities and Interior Design

The OMAAAS office is unlike any other within the BTA. Designed to evoke a sense of both portside functionality and wind-whipped abstraction, its interiors include:

> Teak Trimmed Desks with Built-In Compasses

In case philosophical orientation is ever lost during idea storms.

> The Wall of Inclination™

A large, mahogany-paneled installation containing celebrated angled elements in truck history, from sloped fenders to that one trailer with the weird ramp thing.

> The Model Room

Housing scale replicas of seafaring vessels, modified semi-trucks with sails, and one frankly confusing sculpture called “The Mast Stack.”

Staffing and Titles

The office is led by Commodrive Reginald P. Hatchbeam, a dual-certified Master of Long-Haul Logistics and Nautical Form Aesthetics. Supporting staff include:

First Surface Officer Lora Tilton, responsible for measuring and verifying legal angles

Harbor Archivist Jean-Pierre "The Wake" Salerno, who files records only during simulated sea breezes

Intern Deckhand #3 (rotating position), who’s mostly in charge of water cooler refills and poetic observations

The Office of Maritime Appreciation and Angled Surfaces reminds us that even in a world defined by the roar of diesel and the shine of chrome, there is always room for a breeze of inspiration. It is the BTA’s quiet but steady lighthouse—guiding all who dare to tilt their thoughts just a few degrees off square.

For questions, submissions, or philosophical cogitations, please contact the office by tossing a message in a bottle into the nearest rest stop koi pond.

lateen sail